Thanks to all who have commented or asked via email. She's not getting better. The limp is worse. Her waist is like a wasp's. She isn't eating much anymore or even trying to get around much. I've adjusted to the fact that she is near her end in the physical plane.
I have an appointment with the Vet on Tuesday but I'm really hoping she goes sometime in her sleep before then. I would prefer that she pass-on here in our home so her spirit is contained right here.
I am off today through Tuesday. Today, I plan to drink a lot and blog a lot to take my mind off all of this. And I will spend the next few nights sleeping on a blanket on the floor next to her "nest" in the living room. I'll watch TV with her. I just went out and bought hamburg so I can make her favorite meatballs in a last ditch attempt to get her to eat.
Mercifully, she doesn't seem to be in pain; she's not crying, or complaining, or otherwise exibiting signs of distress. I think she has just resigned, or maybe embraced (for all I know) the fact that it's her time to move on.
I'm sorry to put up depressing posts like this, but being a pet owner entails some of this unpleasantness and on both my blogs I've always tried to be honest about my life. The death of a pet is part of the process (the worst part, of course) of what is otherwise the total joy of pet "ownership."
This weekend I will also start preparing her final resting place. I have a box and I'll line it with plastic, then my pillowcase, one of her favorite toys, etc. I did this with Jasper too. It'll be in the trunk of my car incase I have to use it for the ride back from the Vet.
I console myself with the fact that Rainbow has had a good life because of me. I consider myself lucky because I've had a GREAT life because of her. I have often told her (and all of my cats) that I want to be with her in body or spirit for all eternity and beyond. And we will be. Always and Forever.
Jeff my friend, my heart goes out to you. It really does. I already sort of know what you are going through. When Robert and I got Charlotte, we thought we'd made a big mistake. Not because she wasn't a great dog. She sure is. BUt because we realized that we were going to grow to love her so much, and that she would eventually die on us.
In a way, being a pet owner is harder than being a parent to a child. For the most part, children outlive their parents and the parents aren't the ones grieving.
For pet owners, the opposite is almost always true.
Man. 20 years old. Isn't that an incredible amount of time to have with a pet???
Much love my friend.
Posted by: Michael Demmons at April 17, 2004 01:42 PMAnd as far as the "depressing post" thing goes, don't even think about it.
Tarazet is a pet blog. You can't leave out the depressing parts.
Posted by: Michael Demmons at April 17, 2004 01:43 PMThank you Michael, I do feel lucky -- blessed -- to have had Rainbow's company for such a long time (almost half of my life) and I will always consider that (and it was!) the best part of my life.
It's difficult to try to balance a blog to try to attract visitors but still write from the heart. My other blog is more controversial and "ranty" but Tarazet is meant to be a nice place for you all to "hang out" and I don't want to turn people off with downer posts. But Rainbow was -- still is right now -- a huge part of my life and psych and I have to let out my grief here. It will all pass and Tarazet will hopefully be a place on the web where we can all celebrate our love for these wonderful animals, friends, true companions.
Posted by: Jeff Soyer at April 17, 2004 01:52 PMIt's the most painful part of having a pet, and in my life it's been the most painful part of loving a person. (I've had a great fourteen years with Puff, which is more time than I was able to spend with any lover....)
Tough to know what to say at a time like this, but I just wanted to send some love to you and to Rainbow. She'll always be somewhere remembering your kindness Jeff.
Posted by: Eric Scheie at April 17, 2004 06:54 PMJeff,
My cat came within 6 weeks of reaching her 20th birthday. I was 28 when I lost her, so you could imagine that I hardly remembered my life without her.
My heart goes out to you, and I pray that you will be OK. One thing: I doubt you will be, but, just in case, do not be ashamed to grieve over your beloved cat. She is a part of your family and your life.
Posted by: Brian at April 18, 2004 01:34 AMJust a word to tell you I understand what you're going through. I have three cats and lost one last year (Lulu was hit by a car).
The oldest one (Cleo) is 13 and has started showing signs of old age. She can't jump on/off the kitchen table, has trouble running and eats a lot less.
Sickness and death are the worst part of loving somebody (human or animal).
Take care and I hope everything works out for the best.
Posted by: Isabelle at April 19, 2004 06:44 AM